Hey guys –this post has no answers. Only questions and it’s also a touch gloomy – you’ve been warned.
Regular readers will know that I’ve been going through some shit and every time I write I basically say:
“I’ve got it sorted, I’m on the up and up”
“life is great”
“something about positive vibes”
Which is true.
For the most part.
I still get pangs of being unsure, being depressed and generally struggling to get anything done. Albeit these have been getting less and less frequent every few weeks as opposed to EVERY FUCKING DAY. As soon as I apply myself to something worthwhile or to the service of others I’m usually ‘all good’ for a period of time. Perhaps I am over analysing when I think to myself “perhaps all of these positive changes are simply distractions; perhaps you’re in denial.”
I do ask myself sometimes “perhaps you still haven’t dealt with what you’ve gone through, hence it keeps coming back.”
Honestly, I am not sure.
What does matter is I’ve been working my arse off to attain better body and mind and I refuse to give up. I refuse to stagnate and wallow. I refuse to allow the creeping tendrils of bad habits to consume me. I am here to grow and develop, not fester and wither due to some emotional baggage.
I look at this issue as something that only time can heal. Until that healing has been done, all I can do is keep working on myself and my dreams. Some might say “you should meditate on the experience and grow to accept it” – they are possibly right, but the line between meditation and dwelling is a fine one and frankly I don’t want to go down a hole again – it ends with Woods of Ypres, Katatonia, La Dispute and a shit load of ice cream.
So the question this raises: How is one actually supposed to ‘Deal’ with something emotional? Do you put it past you and do all you can to distract yourself from it? Or is it best to stare it down until it withers away?
Obviously if there is something forthright that you can do to fix an issue you should do that but what do you do when there isn’t something you can do?
Do you just sit in it until you’re comfortable or do you stay distracted?
I would say, stay distracted with worthwhile ventures but honestly, I don’t know.
Let me know what you think.